I write some shits

I wrote this as my note in my Facebook, at Thursday, June 2, 2011 at 12:04am

*****

you dont want me anymore. you dont need me anymore. you want a new one who'll make you happy beside her. yeah I know that, you just fooling around with me. it never made sense for you to love me, I always knew that.
my friends used to tell me that you're not as good as I guess. I think, I should know, if you're good, you wont leave.
we've liked, we've loved each other. we've been hurted. but we wont have our happily ever after. and God has told us that we have to leave without turning back.
MOVING ON? it is not about not loving you anymore and then forgetting you. I know it's hard, but I have to. moving on is when I had the strength to say "I still love you, but you're not worth this pain". yes! I said it!
every ending is just another beginning. I'm not gonna forget you, I'm just let the condition go with the flow. what it will be whether good or worst. maybe it's the best for us, we both had a worth life.
I'm young, my life is too short if I just fill it with sadness and just thinking about you. I got life to do. life must go on with or without you. dont worry, I'll be fine here, I'll cure this pain by myself. if we were born to be fate, we'll be what God want.
good bye my sweetheart, you're gonna be living in my precious memory. we have to leave without turning back. just once, if I could have my wish come true, I'd be born again and again to see you on those days. in my deepest heart, I'm gonna "missing you" and always mention your name in my every heartbeat.. thanks for everything, thanks for the best long distance relationship in the virtual world that I ever had, with you, Helmigas Kuntoajie :)

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and I sent this to my ex in the same date!! oh how pathetic am I ?

*****

why you said that your love to me wont ever die? when you know that's only a lie! why you made me trust? that it's love not a lust! days were gone and I'm still standing on. a heartbreak is fucking enough to me, now you want to have me replaced. I swear that shit hurts more than a break up!
too much hopes, dreams, PLANS, memories, PROMISES that you gave to me. it's so hard and maybe cannot be forgotten..
and I think I'm tired of this. I'm waiting for nothing. you made me so hopeless. you made me 'fly', you give me 'wings', then you 'cut' it. you act like you dont ever know me, oh what the hell you did?
I'm sorry if I hurt you, I'm sorry I cant be the best, but it's who I am. I'm gonna miss you, you'll be living in my precious memory, in deepest of my heart. thanks for every single thing, thanks for the best long distance relationship in the virtual world that I ever had, with you. I'm gonna missing you, and I'm move :)

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I AM NOT GONNA MOVE! HOW CAN I'M MOVE ON WHEN I'VE BEEN IN LOVE WITH YOU ?

amelea (•ˆ⌣ˆ•)

pathetic

you are the only boy that is ever on my mind, ever since the day I met you.
I am the girl that you only think about when you see me.
you are the boy I go to bed crying over.
because of what you did to me that day.
I am the girl you think you never hurt.
you are the boy I wake up thinking about, smiling..
because I know I'll get to see you that day.
I am the girl who has that one huge smile only for you..
but you never pay attention to.
you are the boy that I look for when I walk into a room.
I am the girl you come to when everyone else is already in a conversation.
you are the boy I speed up to walk beside in the hallways.
I am the girl that you say "hi" to and keep walking.
you are the boy I want to talk to every hour, of every day.
I am the girl you have two second conversations with, then stop talking.
you are the boy I could just sit with for hours, just talking, never wanting to leave.
I am the girl you mumble a few words to, wanting to be gone in a second.
you are the boy who thinks I am the most annoying person you've ever meet.
I am the girl that tries my hardest to please you.
you are the boy if I dont see for a day my day turn out to be an incomplete and miserable day.
I am the girl that could be gone for two years and you would hardly even notice.
you are the boy I just keep chasing.
I am the girl that so badly, wants to catch you.
you are the boy who doesnt want to fall for me :"/
I am the girl that becomes stupid when near you.
you are the boy that every cheerleader wants to go out with.
I am the unpopular girl that constantly stares at you from far way.
you are the boy that doesnt reply back to my texts.
and here I a am, the girl that's been wanting you ever since.
*****

amelea (•ˆ⌣ˆ•)

daydreaming

nothing hurts more than, when someone says,
''I'm not angry with you, I'm disappointed.''

*****

I thought about it early yesterday morning. like picking up scaterred pieces of broken glass. what the hell is this? dripping for my finger? is this what we really hoped for? I knew it at the bottom of my heart, the hardest choice would be the best my conscience refuses it and repeats its rejection. when can I admit it to you? in this slowly decaying world, I'm struggling, but it's the only way. carving your faded smiles. I remember the season we first met. and your graceful smile bringing up old issues, we hurt each other as much as possible our minds are full of thor. with this never ending dull relationship, frustated that I cant change my mind. I still love you. I dont wanna be apart from you. but I've to tell you, my thoughts are clouded, I'm stunned, standing dead, my vision blurry, despite my determintation, the pain is still penetrating. the bond between us has come apart, and is dying a bit everyday.

it's hard being left behind, it's hard to be the one who stays, you left me when you're the most I need. it's you, it's always been you, since the very first time you made me smile. it's not about how much you love me, it's about you'll leave me or not, because even you decide to let go, a part of you still won't.
when you're alone, unmood, and need someone to talk to, call or text me, I'll be your mood booster, anytime you want, I'm here for you.
now, we're separated, but God has told me, if the truth is that someday, we could be.... ah I cant say it, seems like too much hoping. I do believe in "someday", it depends on the time, and I'll wait until the right time comes.
you're not my boyfriend anymore but I'm still remember his smile, his advice, his love, his kindness, and the times we laugh together. I care about all the shits about you baby! I cant get you outta my head.
God is good because He was gave me an angel like you, but now you've been left, is God still good?
but I trust my heart and I let God and fate decide. I'm hoping, I'm dreaming, I'm craving, I'm begging but you leaving. you dont know how much it hurts, you're still mine, emotionally.
I texted you, I said that I miss you, but you dont wanna reply it, you let me wait, I'll be baby, I'm still craving I have a message from you when I am wake up in the morning, Gaz!

amelea (•ˆ⌣ˆ•)

May 25th 2011.

00:00
May 25th 2011 ♕
whoaaa a warm welcome SEVENTEEN!!
yeah right, it's my birthday, my 17th birthday!!!
thanks God I met my seventeen ☺
I'm 17 right now, I'm gonna miss my 16 :")

*****

thanks to :
Allah SWT, for Your love, for Your bless and for everything that happened in my life :)
mommy and daddy, thanks for the bittersweet life that you give to me, I hope in this 17, you'll gonna be as one again, AMIN ♥♥♥
my little sister, thanks for the mess, jokes, tears, aaa ILY! ┐(ˇзˇ)┌
my big family, thanks for the best gifts, it's sweet and I'm lovin' it :p
my fellas, they give a different color in my day!! love 'em!! \m/(ˆ⌣ˆ)\m/
my social network, aaa I'm addicted to them!! they're care (┌'.'┐)
DISASTER, thanksss for every single crazy day ƪ(‾▿▿▿▿▿‾ ƪ)
my boyfriend ♡, aaa how much I love you, thanks for the sweetest and greatest gift in my 17 birthday muahh ƪ(♥ε♥)ʃ

thanks to everyone who said Happy Birthday to me!! ILYSM

*****
amelea (•ˆ⌣ˆ•)

Secondhand Serenade - Your Call

Waiting for your call, I'm sick, call I'm angry
Call I'm desperate for your voice
Listening to the song we used to sing
In the car, do you remember
Butterfly, Early Summer
It's playing on repeat, Just like when we would meet
Like when we would meet

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

Stripped and pollished, I am new, I am fresh
I am feeling so ambitious, you and me, flesh to flesh
Cause every breath that you will take
When you are sitting next to me
Will bring life into my deepest hopes, What's your fantasy?
(What's your, what's your...)

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

And I'm tired of being all alone, and this solitary moment makes me want to come back home
[X4]
(I know everything you wanted isn't anything you have)

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight
(I know everything you wanted isn't anything you have)


*****

PS : one sentence that I gave a red color, just like the words that he ever gave to me via sms T.T

amelea (•ˆ⌣ˆ•)

Vierra - Takut

ku tahu kamu bosan, ku tahu kamu jenuh
ku tahu kamu tak tahan lagi
ini semua salahku, ini semua sebabku
ku tahu kamu tak tahan lagi

(jangan sedih, jangan sedih aku pasti setia)

aku takut kamu pergi
kamu hilang, kamu sakit
aku ingin kau di sini
di sampingku selamanya

(jangan takut, jangan sedih aku pasti setia)

aku takut kamu pergi
kamu hilang, kamu sakit
aku ingin kau di sini
di sampingku selamanya

aku ingin kau di sini di sampingku selamanya

aku takut (jangan takut) kamu pergi (takkan pergi)
kamu hilang , kamu sakit
aku ingin (aku juga) kau di sini (bersamamu)
di sampingku (di sampingmu) selamanya

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PS : this is our song. we have the same feeling. we are of losing one another. we had promised that we would not hurt each other and will never leave. no matter what you say, no matter where you go, how ever far away, a part of me with him and a part of him with me, will stay..

amelea (•ˆ⌣ˆ•)

bittersweet ♥

hmm hihihi gue maluuu mau share posting ini hahaha makin hari gue makin unyu aja deh sama pacar gue hoho udah sebulan lebih gue sama dia. kalo ngga putus, mungkin udah 5-6 bulan gitu gue sama dia T.T sayang banget yah sebenernya u,u gara-gara gue juga sih, kalo aja gue betrah LDR-an T.T
tapi, setelah kita putus, dan kita sempet jalan sendiri-sendiri, dan akhirnya kita jadian lagi, semuanya jadi berubah. gue syukur banget ternyata apa yang gue pengen kesampean juga kan. waktu pertama kita pacaran, dia mah lempeng banget, ngga pernah marah, ngga pernah cemburu pas gue bilang kalo gue lagi sama mantan gue, dia biasa aja. kaya udah ngebiarin gue gitu. gue sampe heran, kok ada ya cowo kaya gitu -_- tapi ternyata, cowo itu juga lama-lama bikin gue kangen hahahaha
dan setelah kita balikan lagi ini, tanggal 19 Februari, dia jadi berubah, ngga kaya dulu. sering marah, sering ngambek, sering nunjukkin kalo dia cemburu, dan kita udah mulai sering ada masalah (emang dulu ngga ada mel? -_-) hahaha ini yang gue cari dari dia. dia lebih ekspresif!
gue heran, gue ngga segitu kenal dia banyak, cuma bentar doang, eh jadian. gue belom pernah ketemu sama dia. tapi ngga tau kenapa gue nyamaan bangte kalo lagi smsan, telponan sama dia. flowing! iya, ngalir, kaya ngga ada paksaan, ngga ada tekanan. walopun kadang-kadang gue ngerasa bosen sama relasi antar gue sama dia. yah, balik lagi, masalahnya, JARAK! tapi gue udah nyoba buat ngeyakini diri gue kalo gue kudu bisa, gue kudu bisa bertahan buat dia. buat perasaan gue juga yang semakin hari, semakin dalem buat dia. Ya Allah!
gue ngga peduli apa kata orang, apa kata temen-temen gue tentang hubungan gue sama pacar. gue anggep masukan doang dari mereka, tapi ngga semuanya juga gue terima. gue percaya sama cowo gue kok. lagian yang ngejalanin juga gue ini kan? hahaha

gue selalu seneng tiap kali sms-an ato telponan sama dia haha nggatau kenapa yaa tapi yah emang kudu gitu lah, kan kita ngga pernah ketemu! heu. ada beberapa sms yang maish gue simpen, gue seneng aja kalo baca itu lagi ahhaha

*****

susah dijelasin yaang.. aku kalo uda awalnya nyaman sama satu orang bisa sayang! walopun kita belom ketemu, aku yakin pas waktu itu kamu buat aku :*
17:27:00
27-02-2011

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jadikan hamba orang yang selalu memeluk dia saat rapuh, menangis, gembira saat dia senang, sedih bila dia jauh dariku.. hamba ingin dia mengerti bahwa rasa sayang ini berdasar dari-Mu dan atas izin-Mu hamba bersama dia selalu bersama sampai nanti..
22:01:01
09-03-2011

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soulmate, yes you are!
20:22:56
20-03-2011

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aku selalu dan akan selalu lebih sayang kamu ! :*
20:26:43
20-03-2011

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aku ngga ada disitu.. tapi aku tetep jadi orang pertama yang ngusap air mata kamu saat kamu sedih, dan orang terkahir yang dateng saat kamu seneng :)
20:31:50
20-03-2011

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:") cuma beberapa doang yah tapi sebenernya masih banyaaaak banget! hahaha
cowo gue pernah bilang, "cinta itu dijaga, bukan didapet!" dan yeaah, tiap gue ngerasa capek ngerasa bosen sama hubungan ini, gue selalu inget sama kata-kata dia yang itu. gue udah dapet cinta itu, dan sekarang gue gamau kehilangan dia lagi. gue kudu jaga cinta itu :')

there's no one I'd rather share my love, laughter, and life with than you!
*****
amelea (•ˆ⌣ˆ•)

:")

jadikan hamba orang yang selalu memeluk dia saat rapuh, menangis, gembira saat dia senang, sedih bila dia jauh dariku.. hamba ingin dia mengerti bahwa rasa sayang ini berdasar dari-Mu dan atas izin-Mu hamba bersama dia selalu bersama sampai nanti..
*****
amelea (•ˆ⌣ˆ•)